I thought I knew to a certain degree what this phrase really means, especially after watching that Castle episode of the same name. But then a moment happened yesterday that truly was a sucker punch right where it hurts the most. And it felt horrible. And I was in a car with a bunch of other people, and couldn't have really explained why I needed to sob right now. So I just looked out the window and tried to hold back the tears. A few escaped, but since I had/have a horrible headache, no one noticed anything odd. We were listening to a cd, and a song came on that had a very specific connection to someone who basically is dead to me, who meant a lot. And it was so unexpected, because I had completely forgotten about that memory and it all just came flooding back in one big sucker punch. Now I feel like I actually am starting to understand what that really means. There is just no air, only gasping.
It makes me a little bit sad to realize how year after year, I have less and less desire to celebrate the 4th of july But this year I decided it is also true that without this day, we probably would not be in Idaho, and I probably would not have my awesome family, so that makes me want to at least Thank God for that.